28 posts from 2007

life lessons at walgreen's with bratty kids and screechy old ladies....

Dec 15, 2007
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So I was out shopping (!) today, in and of itself a miracle of sorts because

a) I spent all week dying of some sort of stupid flu (and I rarely get ill) and

b) I really don't like shopping, especially "Christmas shopping," what with its roving bands of Annoying People which make an unpleasant experience even more so. It's like being an extra in the movie "Idiocracy," which isn't as fun as it sounds.

However, I did score a few wins. This year I fumbled Xmas cards a little because I didn't think to

a) make a cool custom card on Zazzle with all sorts of witty MUNI holiday goodness and

b) put it all off anyway since I've been spending most of my time working and looking for a new apartment (a circle of hell all its own, one I dare not write about because I think there's a law against using that much profanity in one blog post).

But I recovered, as I found a place that still had a stash of Palm Press SF-themed holiday cards, and thanked the attractive young woman at the store in the Mission profusely, without making too much of an idiot out of myself.

Anyway.

On the way home I realized I had forgotten to buy a few things, and went in to one of the millions of Walgreen's stores that litter the Earth. It seemed Everyone Else had the same idea and there was a nice long line. Little did I know I was about to also get a lesson in choices, staying the course, and all that nonsense.

So.

In Line "A," as we'll call it, we had a long line of hapless consumers, buying everything from that zany Santa that lights up and makes noise every time you walk by it, to gum, to hair freshener, to whatever. And in this long line, which was not going anywhere thanks to the person at the front paying entirely in loose pennies for 100s of items, we had a representative of the Annoying Kids Union, loudly destroying just about every package in his way.

I was waiting for the mother to do something, but in Today's World, that's a fool's errand. I saw the other line (we'll call it Line "B") was not so backed up, and figured I should just buy my notebooks, and assorted Necessary But Annoying Junk there.

Ah, but you see, Line "B" had a member of the Screechy Old Ladies Auxillary, Westside Chapter. Apparently Walgreens had offered 2 for 1 on some big bottle of flaxseed pills and they only had one bottle left. So in her loudest, screchiest, pick-the-cat-up-with-pliers voice, she DEMANDED they go find another bottle. And funny enough, she gets the clerk who speaks as little English as her. Irony of ironies, they both spoke the same language, but both insisted on English anyway, which made things even more drama-ey and drawn out.

When Some Hapless Hardworking Soul informed the cashier that, alas, the hordes of Visigoths had looted Walgreen's of all but that one last bottle of pills, all Hell broke loose, and I was trapped. I made the mistake of looking back at Line A, which had just cashed out the Annoying Child and Mother faction, and was now ready to take care of the guy with 50 extension cords (who, oddly enough had asked the clerk how much WEIGHT they could take...? ) who was behind me in Line A.

In other words, being in the Annoying Kid Line, or the Screechy Old Lady Line didn't matter. Either way I stayed stuck in the black hole of Walgreen's for the same amount of time.

I wondered for a moment if there was some lesson here, about sticking with the line you're in, despite the pain and discomfort, since jumping to another doesn't guarantee a better outcome, or a lesson in patience and the Christmas Spirit (TM) was being taught, or maybe it was a way for God to tell me I didn't need to buy notebooks, a pen, and whatever since it was wasting a Precious Day of Life.

After paying for my items and walking out I realized what the lesson really was: I fucking hate Christmas shopping, and I really hate stupid people who take up air and space in stores.

PS: I do like all my friends and family, and do enjoy giving you all cards, gifts and whatever. Next year, however I plan on not leaving this shit until the last minute, and I'm doing it all online so that you'll get better stuff, faster, and I can enjoy the rest of the season doing something productive, like getting a patent on child noise suppressors.

Why "Californication" Rocks...In a Few Words...

Oct 1, 2007
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Wow.

Yeah. Wow.

I finally saw "Californication" on Showtime thanks to their free weekend hippie promo deal, and all I can say is "wow!"

Why? Simple. David Duchovny's character, embittered writer Hank Moody, is the rock star of writers. Sure we'd all love to be super successful, have our novels butchered, but still make residuals, and oh yeah, get to have sex with hot women AND punch out guys who dis our seriously beloved, and so on, but you know.

That ain't happening.

So "Californication" offers a window into a world that we (and by "we" I mean "dumbass guys in their late 30s who so wish they could be so fucking cool") really enjoy. It's a perfect companion to that tiresome, girly show "Weeds" (which induces vomiting despite its charms), and well, it's just a wonderful show.

Anyway.

Oh, and one of the appeals is the circular humor and logic I've not seen since Peter Bagge did "Hate" and "Neat Stuff" back in the day. They start out planting the joke, let you go around the pool a few times, and WHAM! bring it back in such a way you didn't expect, but should have.

Just watch the show. You'll like it. Or not. Or at least understand a little more about a guy's guy, and realize why some of us are just glad the Alan Alda Bullsh*t 70s Sensitive Man Lies are done.

Seriously.

Just watch the show. Ladies, if you're a fan, feel free to email me.

holy action movies, batman! "shoot 'em up" KICKED ASS!!!

Sep 9, 2007
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I will never forget the first time I heard of this vague concept called "Shoot 'Em Up" and I was intrigued. But then I saw the preview. It is as if Corporate Marketing folks in a secret chamber said "Horror of horrors! Mr. Njudah is not buying enough movie tickets! How can we get him and similar cool connisseurs of Pop Culture into our stupid movie theaters?"

After furious amounts of research, fueled by Red Bull and whatnot, they realized "Oh, wait! here's the formula! Guard it with your lives:

-put Clive Owen in the movie

-put Monica Bellucci (on whom Mr. Njudah has been carrying a torch for since BEFORE the Matrix trilogy)

-have lots of amazing examples of how to kicks ass and take names

-oh and just to frak with him, put in Paul Giamatti as the bad guy

-wait, did we forget to mention have LOTS OF AMAZING ACTION and stuff?

End of Memo"

But here is where mere words and reviews do not do justice to the film itself. I mean, sure, I can tell you that in the first 5 minutes Clive Own skillfully delivers a baby while shooting down like, 15 bad guys with the other hand but me saying it is stupid. You seeing it is like "omg, it's like they looked into Njudahs brain and wrote down exactly what he wanted to see on Friday afternoon!"

I hate spoiler-y reviews so I shan't ruin it for you. All I will say is this : whenever I've seen a Die Hard or simliar film and they have all sorts of silly mayhem and serious ass kicking, I and my trusted colleague Mason Powell dub it a "total McBain moment", in honor of the character played by Rainier Wolfcastle on The Simpsons.

This film was McBain on frakking steroids, caffiene, guarana, and God Knows What Else. And you know what? I LOVED IT.

My biggest regret of my short sojourn in Los Angeles was not somehow waiving a magic wand and getting to produce awesome films, which would star awesome actors like Clive Owen some day, and more important, allow me but a few moments with the lovely Monica Bellucci so that I might take in her awesome acting skillz and hotness in person.

But hey! Maybe she reads the N Judah Chronicles. You never know, right?

because you can never have too many virtual land grabs...

Aug 26, 2007
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I'm trying something out here, bear with me....this was originally posted in another form at the "popular" blog, the N Judah Chronicles...check out some of my virtual land grabs at YouTube, Facebook, and Flickr.

If there's Yet Another Site I should be joining, please, let me know!

Vox Hunt: I Found This

Aug 7, 2007
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Show us some found art.

Jackie, If You Know Who This Is....and Ride the T...

Wall St. Journal Graffiti

memo to GEICO and NIKE: your ads suck!

Aug 7, 2007
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Ok, ha ha, I got it the first time. You know, that commercial, the one about GEICO and "so easy a caveman can do it" and oh LOL, there are CAVEMEN who are pissed. Funny for about a moment the first time, but GEICO's ads, on constantly it seems, now have gone the way of esurance.com and created a whole series of ads that hardly even tell you anything about GEICO, insurance, or like, any relevant information.

Then, someone got the bright idea of making a full blown tv series, called....Cavemen! Oh please, God, no. Strangely, at least to ABC, the critics have not been giving this series much of a chance of

a) being funny or

b) making it past the first wave oc cancellations.

Gee, I can't imagine why...

Oh, and now there's this new ad for the NIKE shoes that can interface with an iPod to help you exercise better. Great product, but somehow the idiot marketers at NIKE invented a way to make a great product look incredibly stupid. It starts out with some rock band "rocking out" and gets interrupted by a polite sounding young athletic woman who starts reciting all sorts of stats.

Then, suddenly we're whisked away to Our World where an erudite salesclerk is explaining the gadget to a really stupid looking guy who is "rocking out" with his zany iPod, who suddenly turns and with

a) the stupidest voice possible and

b) the most idiotic look on his face this Method thespian could conjure and bellows "HOW DOES IT KNOW THAT???"

Duhhhhhh.

What a stupid ad, and one that's on INCESSANTLY. Frankly, I'm surprised Apple and their Fearless Leader, Steve Jobs didn't call up NIKE and kick their ass. They're usually pretty protective of their image....

PBR? On NPR? WTF?

Aug 2, 2007
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It does not take a genius to realize that I don't drive often, I being the the "Muni Blogger", and the fact I don't own a car. That said, I do have occasion to drive, usually when a friend goes out of town. When I do, I go back to my roots and start listening to the radio, usually NPR. Since I don't drive often, I don't listen to NPR often. So, if what I'm about to blog about is old news, well, you understand.

Anyway, so I'm listening to some thing on The News and they go to the sponsorship part and the dude at KQED who was clearly a little flummoxed when he read that....the evening news was in part spnosored by...."Pabst Ribbon". (He meant Pabst Blue Ribbon, of course).

Now, this is not totally surprising - the story of how Pabst Blue Ribbon reinvented itself over the last several years and sponsored art shows and the like is old news, but still - PBR on NPR?

I guess the next question is - what is the truly hip, low cost but not totally awful beer out there the cool kids are drinking these days? I'm a bit behind the curve on this one, so anyone? anyone?

anyone want a pownce.com invite?

Jul 26, 2007
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I have been trying out Pownce.com and have some invites. If you'd like one, email me and, oh I dunno, tell me a joke, or trade an invite to some other cool site, or anything you think a pownce.com invite is worth, and you can have one!

70s Style N Judah Chronicles- For a Limited Time Only!

Jul 21, 2007
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For the summer, I tweaked the colors and the banner logo for my main site the N Judah Chronicles, to be more like the 70s style logo from the Streets of San Francisco, and it looks kinda cool. We also have shirts. Get 'em now while you can!

Summer, 70s Style at the N Judah Chronicles

because so many are reading these things....my latest movie review..."Yo Yo Girl Cop"

Jul 18, 2007
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If you're not reading Lisa Katayama's Tokyomango blog, shame on you. It's really good, has all kinds of awesome links, and managed to do the impossible - get me to the theater (again), get me to go to the Opera Plaza Theater on Van Ness (hitherto considered impossible) and see a movie called Yo Yo Girl Cop (aka Sukeban Deka).

Ok, so that last part sealed the deal. You didni't think I'd pass up a chance to see ass-kicking fighting chicks in a film directed by one of the makers of Battle Royale, now, did you?

Seeing a film like this in a theater on a dreary Sunday, as weather sucked and totally delayed my upcoming new feature on the N-Judah Chronicles in a little out of the way theater like the O.P. is as much an experience as the film itself, due to the odd assortment of folks there to see what is essentially a manga come to life. There were the following:

-the two hipster older guys who were talking about the "Star Wars" episode of Robot Chicken
-the Japanese couple in their 70s
-an assortment of random indie moviegoers who frequent Landmark type theaters, most of whom were there to see something else and saw this instead (or by mistake)
-the two dudes at the front of the theater who had to make sure all of us know how much they thought the upcoming "Lady Chatterly's Lover" film from France will suck (thanks guys, we appreciate the insight, no really)
-the chick with the "Cowboy Bebop" bag (come on that is just cool, I mean seriously....)
-and of course, the guy in the black shirt....

So, when our lead character, a super crime fighting gal who's undercover in a Japanese high school trying to solve The Mystery of The Chick Who Got Blown Up in Tokyo, armed only with her strength, wits, and a yo yo of doom, the audience reaction provided as much entertainment as the movie itself, which was fine.

One could tell Kenta Fukasaku (co director of BR and son of the legendary director Kinji Fukasaku) made this film, and for me that's all I really need. Battle Royale however, still remains an all time favorite. If you've ever had a really crappy day at work, watching this is way better thearpy than say, crack cocaine.

Usually I see this sort of thing at home, on the home theater, if only because it's kind of hard to explain when that 10.50 ticket for "Yo Yo Girl Cop" falls out of your wallet. I really only went because knowing Netflix and their time-distortion delays when it comes to releasing certain foreign films in our lifetime, I figured this was the best way to see it.

If you get a chance, check it out, but don't delay if y're all interested. I made that mistake with Daywatch and missed the darn thing before I could see it......sigh....but that's another post...