Amazingly, I do HATE some pseudo-scifi AKA Why Southland Tales Sucked in Ways We Cannot Comprehend!

Apr 8, 2008 at 9:07 PM
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Oh, come on. You know I'm not prone to hyperbole....right?

No really.

"Southland Tales" had the potential for being a wonderful satire, in the vein of many other great films, or it could have been the next V for Vendetta. INSTEAD, it was the next Rocky Horror Picture Show, and I don't mean that in a good way. I mean that in the "Oh my GOD this movie sucked so royally Queen Elizabeth has to bow down to the new royalty" and in the "in 10 years high school drama kids and misfits will be going to decrepit old theaters at midnight to do fancy dress and recite the lines" way.

Yeah.

For me to even trouble you as to how the director of the fascinating Donnie Darko could make a cinematic turd this big, smelly, and full of beans would be for me to take up your time, time you could spend with family, on charity work, on saving a puppy from a wheat combine, on ANYTHING would be to waste precious moments in our lives.

Instead I'll say this: I can put up with a lot. I've worked on indie films (Insert pain stick here). I've seen the value, however minor, in films that others have discarded as poo, much like the bird who finds the peanut in the horse crap.

But in this thing, I just have to say....STAY AWAY. RENT THE EWOKS ADVENTURE IT HAS MORE VALUE THAN THIS PIECE OF CRAP!

That is all.

For more information on how to avoid craptacular films that make you wanna stab someone, consult your local library!